Close Your Eyes
by FacetiousFish
Summary: Close Your Eyes to escape your fate. Things happen so fast and you wish you can stop them but wishes don’t exist and no one can control destiny or when it decides to strike. SongFics. BoothBrennan. This is gonna be a multichap not a one shot.
1. Close Your Eyes

_Close Your Eyes_

_Disclaimer: I don't own any Bones Characters.. blah blah, Im sure u no the drill. lol_

_Summary: Close Your Eyes to escape your fate. Things happen so fast and you wish you can stop them but wishes don't exist and no one can control destiny or when it decides to strike. _

_Pairing; Booth/Brennan – pretty predictable I know!_

_Rated: T_

_Authors Notes:_

_-I wrote the song that goes with this fic. DO NOT SEAL IT! If anyone wishes to borrow it e-mail me so I know what u wanna use it for and to get my permission first._

_-This came to me in a dream and I felt that I had to write it. Plus I love Bones so why not?_

_- I hope you enjoy it, I would appreciate reviews if no1 minds. I don't usually get that many and everyone likes 'em. I don't mind criticism – gd reviews, bad reviews I welcome them all._

_Just a day_

_Just another day_

_You fit in my life in your own special way_

_I hardly see you but you are always there_

_You like to hide it but I know you care_

_So close together, always in sync_

_Each smile you give me makes me think_

_Do I love him?_

Booth entered the lab looking serious, Brennan checked her watch; it was One in the morning, how did he know she would be here…wait, that was a stupid question. Everyone else had left and since Booth had not just peered in he was definitely looking for her, a small smile of greeting played at her lips as he approached

'Bones,' He addressed her, polite enough to return a smile but one which did not last more than a few seconds, she moved from the computer to the gurney on which lay her victim – A forty two year old male, she had been working on the case longer than she had realized, but she knew she was so close now she could almost brush the answer with the tips of her fingers

'What is it that you want at such a stupid time in the morning?' she joked – something that didn't happen that often, but she was in the mood – as she studied the bullet hole in the pelvis for what must have been the hundredth time today

'Another body has just been found – a young child burned and dumped in a random car,' Brennan stopped examining the bones and observed Booth instead, he was shaking with anger and she knew him well enough to know why – he hated when people attacked children, adults was one thing but snatching away the life of a child who was barely able to understand what was happening to them… Brennan sadly recalled a case from just a few months ago when a 6 year old girl had been raped and hideously tortured by her own father. Booth had even managed to get away with hitting the man and claiming it to be self defence, Brennan knew otherwise. Plus the fact that he had his own son who he adored more than anything else in this world made it a case of using all of his self restraint not to shoot children murderers on the scene which they were arrested. He managed it though, he always managed it, he was strong, he always knew how to handle things and put a smile on your face at the same time

'How come you came to me now then and not wait 'til tomorrow morning?' she pulled a sheet over the man's remains before walking around to come face to face with him

'Because you are always here until at least 2 on Thursdays,' He started, Brennan smiled sheepishly, was she really that predictable? 'And this is a string of murders on children aged 3-6 over the last 3 weeks, in total we have recovered 12 bodies, well 13 with the new one,' Brennan sympathized with him, seeing all of this must scare him, Parker was in that age range. She reached out to place a comforting hand on his shoulder but ended up pretending she was reaching out for a clipboard on the desk as he walked away from her massaging his temple

'We need to solve this Bones. None of the other bodies were burned; I can't see what is different about this one.' Brennan nodded, realizing that he was acting very much like a dog that was anxiously waiting to be taken out, not wishing to delay him she pulled of her latex gloves, put them in the trash and switched her lab coat for her brown jacket she had draped on the nearest chair.

'C'mon then, lets go' she prompted.

Brennan hadn't been on a crime scene at One thirty in the morning before. The forensics team was a fair bit smaller since there weren't many people on shift at this time but none of them were lacking in motivation, it seemed they even worked more efficiently than the day team, Booth didn't waste anytime with introductions, he didn't even have to show his FBI badge, he lead Brennan directly to the car where the body lay, on first glace it was obvious it had been moved

'Well it goes without saying that the body was moved,' Brennan voiced her thoughts as she studied the remains

'This was a boy, 6 years old, the markings on his wrists indicate he was tied up and there is evidence of…umm…' Her smooth sentence faltered as she could feel Booths presence so close behind her, his soft breath tickling her neck, she shook herself mentally trying to focus 'there is evidence that he was brutally beaten before he was killed. It seems his cause of death was a large object that came in contact with his head here.' She pointed out the indent in the charred skull, in a certain way relieved to move her body away from her colleague's; he however moved to see the indent which placed him just as close as he was previously. Surely this wasn't fair? His presence was accompanied by a rush of feelings that she had not felt for any man before him, she could swear that the lights got just that little bit brighter when he entered a room and contact was torture, to be able to touch something she could not have weighed on her heart like each case she took weighed so heavily on her shoulders. She was certain that he felt something towards her too but she could not be sure. She turned making her face to face with Booth, he paused, trying to hold her there long enough, to feel her presence so close, to take comfort in her while pretending to merely have not noticed her change in direction. She started to breathe heavier, she wanted him so bad, she had to escape, move somewhere, anywhere. He noticed her discomfort, her many conflicting feelings and moved quickly with a meagre "sorry".

She pulled herself away from the crime scene into a more open part of the street; he looked towards her but did not follow. Brennan couldn't figure out why these emotions that's she had worked so hard to suppress had manifested themselves now at such a random time but that thought alerted her instincts, she could sense something and it made her uneasy. Taking one more deep breath she headed back towards the crowd of forensics

'Bones!' Booth yelled suddenly.

_Yet all I do is stand as it flashed before my eyes_

_In good moments time slows while in bad ones it flies_

_Before I know what's happening I'm screaming your name_

_Within seconds my life ruined, it will never be the same_

_Please don't leave me._

It all happened so fast, she could not stop it; a black car came skidding around the corner and the familiar sound of gunshots rang in her ear, before she could even move things were breaking around her as the tiny pellets of metal hit them and Booth had pushed her into the cover of a red Ferrari before landing on top of her. The next few seconds passed in a terror filled blur as things were breaking, people were screaming and immense pain filled the back of her head.

'Booth.' She rolled him off of her 'you saved m-' her eyes widened as she noticed the large patch of red on Booth's shirt that was slowly expanding

'Oh My God! Booth!' her brain couldn't register what was happening, time was flying as Booth bleeding… what could she do?

'Bones,' he whispered, his voice was etched with pain but no regret

'I'm here,' his whisper calmed her and logical thoughts ran back through her mind, she pulled her brown jacket off and placed it on the wound, making sure to apply pressure, the bleeding was very heavy, she needed to stop it soon or he would-

'Bones, are you okay,' he attempted to pull himself to sitting position as if this was nothing but was forced back down by Brennan's hand

'You idiot,' she laughed, trying to stay positive despite the tears that came to her eyes, blurring her vision, his face, his pain 'You have been shot and you are asking me if _I'm_ okay!'

'something like that,' he laughed but both of them regretted him doing so as his laugh turned into a hacking cough and more of the precious red fluid was lost, Brennan wiped his mouth as he lay his head back and closed his eyes, groaning with the agony of it all

_Close you're eyes_

_Don't see my frown_

_Hiding my tears _

_As I lay you down_

_One kiss from me _

_To seal you're fate_

_I am so sorry _

_I was too late_

_You're slipping away_

_With hardly a sound_

_You can't fight the pain_

_As the rain hits the ground_

_You're breathing unsteady_

_Each might be your last_

_Neither of us ready_

_For your life to be passed_

Brennan tried to hold herself, to stay strong, look at everything from a scientific angle, not loose her cool, The bullet had hit his abdomen and had most likely punctured his stomach, he had approximately 15 minutes before the acid that was leaking from his stomach killed him. Fifteen minutes wasn't enough time! Each day she came into the lab, bantered with Booth, worked another case, never expecting one of these days, one of these cases to be their last, she needed hours, days. Minutes were not enough, minutes were never enough

'Are you okay?' Booth and Brennan were joined by one of the CSI team who had obviously been searching for casualties, that was good, common sense would dictate that the man called the ambulance as soon as the shooting had been over

'No, I'm fine, nothing…but Booth got hit, his stomach…' she stumbled over her words trying to get across the magnitude of the situation to the bystander, to her surprise he understood

'An ambulance it coming, just keep doing what you are doing, we have had another couple of minor casualties too,' Brennan dismissed the end of the mans sentence, turning back to Booth, to the 13 minutes she still had left, the man had wasted a whole minute, she just wanted him to leave, she wanted her and Booth to leave, to not be here, not have come here in the first place, to hear about the driveby the next morning on the news and have Booth tell her how lucky it was that he had not been given that case. This was wrong, all wrong!

_You smile once more as my lips link with yours_

_One last sacrifice for a hero's cause_

_I'd love to make a wish and wish this all fine_

_But wishes don't exist and I'm running out of time_

_I find my eyes can't leave his face_

_I want us both to leave this place_

'I'm sorry,' Brennan whispered to her fallen colleague letting her tears flow, this was her fault, there were so many regrets, so many ifs

'No. no. Don't be sorry, better me shot than you.' Booth said firmly. His voice was still strong even as his pulse weakened 'Anyway there is no one I would rather be by my side as I die.' He attempted a smile which turned into a pain filled grimace

'Don't say that!' she demanded 'You are not going to die. I won't let you die.'

'No one can command life and death,' he looked up at her, his eyes digging into her with his honest stare. Brennan glanced back towards her jacket, it was the darkest of reds , and totally drenched, she quivered at the sight of her hands, covered in his blood, the person she loved was leaving everything coloured red as he died In her arms, the street was red, her hands were red. Her tears would be red, she would cry her own blood if it would make him stay.

'I can't live without you Booth.' Her heart opened, so little time to say so much, most of it not able to express in words. She cried out, loud and desperately and as if this was a signal rain started to pour, started to beat everything with cold droplets of freezing water, almost as cold as her pain.

_No one but me can see he is crying_

_The street is red as he is dying_

_My hands covered in his precious blood_

_Feeling betrayed by my heart, by my love_

She supported his head as she leant close to him, they were both soaked though and shivering but to Booth, Brennan's hand on her cheek was the warmest he could feel. As the rain disguised his tears she embraced him and linked her lips with his in such a simple gesture, a passing of feelings, of thoughts, of anger, of sorrow, he fed from her strength and will as she shared his pain. It was an Epiphany; a moment of unspoken clarity between them, a feeling to be remembered in the ten minutes or the tens of years to come.

_Close you're eyes_

_Don't see my frown_

_Hiding my tears _

_As I lay you down_

_One kiss from me _

_To seal you're fate_

_I am so sorry _

_I was too late_

_You're slipping away_

_With hardly a sound_

_You can't fight the pain_

_As the rain hits the ground_

_You're breathing unsteady_

_Each might be your last_

_Neither of us ready_

_For your life to be passed_

'Please don't die,' she begged, her sobbing loader than the heavy rain that as pounding the car beside them 'I need you, I want you more than anything else I have ever wanted. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I was scared, I didn't know if you would accept me,' She was clinging to Booth, pleading for him to stay, she was so far from her usual self her cool and collected character, so confused about what to say to keep him with her because she didn't know a world without him, it felt like he had always been there in her heart even before she knew him. She didn't know what she could say with such little time on her hands "I love you don't leave me"? "You stupid son of a bitch you should have let me take the shot"? Both where totally opposite ends of the scale but neither seemed appropriate. Those three words – the ones that so many people cherished, some run from, some died for could never be said lightly, she couldn't admit them to him, to herself otherwise if she lost him it would be too hard, she may as well have taken a bullet too.

'Bones.' He cried reaching a hand towards her face, wanting to make that contact, share each moment left 'I-I'm so cold,' her face was that of pure agony as her emotions, broke her, destroyed her, killed her inside

'No,' she croaked her voice breaking 'Booth, please, stay with me, the ambulance will be here soon, just hold on, please!'

'I – I don't know if I can, I can't see you properly, you are fading, your not leaving me are you?'

'No.' she insisted 'never. I am here Booth. With you. Always.'

_My sobbing is slowed, my heart almost stops_

_This is it, he is giving up_

_I beg for him to stay but I feel what is to come_

_His last words soon, then he feels he is done_

_I hold my breath, if only he knew_

_I'm sorry, he whispers, I love you._

Booth's face faded of all expression, his empty eyes stared to the heavens as the rain continued to fall as heavy as Temperance's tears

'Booth.' She cried shaking him, knowing in her heart of hearts that he wasn't coming back 'Booth, please, you can't be gone, you can't just leave me now,' her voice turned from a simper to a scream to the dark sky which reflected the darkness inside of her 'You can't just leave me with that!' someone approached her

'Are you okay Dr Bre- Oh my God Agent Booth!' a young woman from the CSI team approached Brennan, she had never met the woman and didn't have anything against her but she wanted to be alone

'Get away from me.'

'But-' the woman objected, Brennan turned to look at the her 'I- I'm sorry,' the woman backed away merely off of Brennan's look

'Booth, you can't leave me now God dammit!' She yelled, she turned back to Booth's… she couldn't even say it, she tried to stand, tried to run away from all of this, she couldn't cope, she couldn't say what he was, what had happened, none of the words could escape her lips or he would really be gone. She fell, all her dignity lost, a sobbing wreck of a human crawling in the dirt, clutching the man she loved, too frightened to let go, to face such an uncertain future without him.

'I can't do this,' she whispered in Booth's ear, he was so cold, so empty, she must be gone too if she could only find comfort in that 'I'm so scared. You have left me all alone and nothing can stop that pain. Nothing but you and I will never see you again. How can you do this to me, after what you said?' her voice was hoarse, barely there anymore. She was so wet, so dirty, but she could feel none of it, her face was emotionless as the same thoughts ran around her head. No one knew what it was like until it hit them, its not until you think that you realise how extreme death is, how it really is to loose someone, their body in the ground, their soul, their essence – whatever you believed - in out of your reach, their life wiped from the earth leaving only the faint echoes of memory that would too eventually fade. Any imprint one life made would never last forever; nothing lasted forever, except death. Death was Always.

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Thanx 4 Reading. I hope to hear what you think

I have read reviews that have commented about how many Booth dies and then miraculously comes back fics there are around. I decided that I would like to have something a bit more final – Booth is dead. Totally outlined.

Thankyou to TheHaliwellsLittleAngel – My Good Friend and Compaq-Witch – My Sister for your opinions on this fic.

Smiles

Sesa

xxx


	2. What Hurts the Most

**What Hurts the Most**

**Disclaimer: I do not own this song – What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts. Although I love it and it is currently my fav song!**

**Authors Notes**

**I was going to just leave close your eyes where it was but then I heard this song and I just really wanted to add to it, I hope I haven't made a mistake.**

**There is a quote near the end of this which I am certain is not correct. Please don't point this out because I am aware of it.**

**I would very much appreciate reviews if you drop by to read. Not bothered if u want to flame, I accept all reviews, good or bad.**

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_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house_

_That don't bother me_

_I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out_

_I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while_

_Even though goin' on with you gone_

_Still upsets me_

_There are days every now and again_

_I pretend I'm okay but that's not what gets me_

'I'm glad you are here, we need to take Seeley Booth's body but the young woman won't let us. One of our agents informed us you might be able to convince her,' Angela froze as the news hit her like a cold wave, she had received a phone call telling her to come here but the official had not informed her of why. She did not want to look away from Agent Matthew's face, she didn't want to see the scene that lay only a few feet from her but was forced to tear her eyes away from the somber agent to her nightmare, her hand flew to her face almost as fast as the tears came to her eyes

'Booth,' she whispered; Booth's body lay still and drenched with hysterical Temperance clutching it – clutching him, confirming every suspicion she had ever had about the way they felt about each other but not in a way she would have liked.

'Booth, come on Booth, you can't be dead, not now, it's not the way it's supposed to be!' Temperance screamed, she cradled his head in her lap, rocking back and forth.

'Tempe, sweetie…' Angela's voice broke as she tried to address what was left of her friend, Brennan looked up at her, Angela's hair lay flat to her head and pasted to her face because of the torrential downpour but even if the rain could do that it could not disguise her tears, no, no, tears were different, they screamed at you. They expressed everything from the gateway to your soul, those tiny droplets of water, out of the 70 of you that was water could end it, begin it, crying brought life into the world and it ended life the same way, with pain, blood and tears, no one could command those tears or stop that grief, every beginning, every end was different but still so much the same.

'What do you want Angela?' she cried through the pounding of the rain, the tears from the earth as it lost the best thing it had ever had, as it lost the best thing she had ever had. 'Have you come to pull me away, to tell me its okay? Because it's not and it never will be, never again. If I can't have him, nobody can!'

'Sweetie, I promise things will get-'

'Don't you listen? Why won't you listen? It NEVER will be. You don't know, you couldn't, you don't love him like me…' She looked back down at him, stroking his cheek gently, trying so hard to kid herself he was cold because of the rain 'You can't be dead, you always come through, you play, you pretend, but you never really leave'

Angela approached Tempe with caution, kneeling, coming to her level but in a way not really coming anywhere close, her friend had fallen, hit rock bottom and although Angela could look into her eyes she would never be able to even enter the Chasm that lay behind them.

'Tempe, he is gone, he cant come back to you,' The words caught in her throat, she did not want to admit that one of her closest friends was dead but had to, to convince the woman before her that the body she held was merely a shell of the man she loved, it was the hardest things she had ever had to do. She knew what it was like to loose someone you loved, she had lost Kirk and that still made her cry when everyone else turned their backs but after loosing so much and taking so long to get over it with her parents Seeley Booth's death had acted as a switch to send Temperance off of the deep end and leave her drowning in her own insanity. 'The man you are holding isn't Booth, he is the shell, nothing more. You have to let go, he wouldn't want you to-'

'Don't even pretend you know what he wants Angela Montenegro. Only he knows that and no one can just assume for him,' Brennan snapped venomously at her friend, she felt like Angela had shown a new side, like she didn't know her anymore, her Angela would never tell her to let go, to forget. Angela reached forward to pull Booth away from Brennan, take away her trigger, her drug because the longer she stayed with him, the more her addiction would grow and finally kill her.

'Don't touch the body!' Temperance gasped as she realized what had slipped out of her mouth – Body – Body meant he was dead, body meant she had let him go. Her hands clamped her mouth, nails digging into the skin, drawing blood, the essence of life, the red liquid that had covered her hands, her love's life, his deep rich red blood. She wanted to take it back, take that word back she didn't mean it, no, no, no "I didn't mean it baby!" she screamed in her head hoping that somehow he could hear her because she couldn't speak, she couldn't let those harmful words escape her lips otherwise he wouldn't forgive her, he wouldn't be with her. Without her even realizing what was happening the coroner had snatched Seeley from her, placed him in a big black bag, how was he supposed to breathe if they just zipped him up like that? He wouldn't come back if he was in that black bag, it was dirty, dirty like a trash bag, he wasn't trash, they couldn't just drop him in a dumpster somewhere, he wouldn't like that, not at all, no, not at all

'No! Give him back!' she yelled, launching her dirty frail form at the coroner, at the trolley Seeley was being wheeled away on

'No Bren,' Angela stood in her path, blocked her, she pushed Angela, tried to move her away, she was in the way, she shouldn't be there. Angela didn't even flinch at her pathetic attempt to push her away; instead she embraced her friend, pushing Tempe's head gently onto her shoulder and the two sobbing women collapsed onto the sidewalk, Angela rocking Temperance, urging the exhaustion that she felt to take over and make her crave, deep peaceful sleep

'He was with me Ange, they can't take him, no they can't, I don't think I can live without him. I have to have him with me because if I don't…If I don't…' Temperance's broken heart beat a slow and mournful tune, a hollow melody which sang her to sleep, forcing the exhaustion of her cold wet body to possess her and allow sleep to come almost like passing out, one beat and she was gone, slouching over her friend because Angela was the only thing stopping her falling back to that gutter, back to becoming barely a human being. All she fell into now were dreams, dreams that were etched with her deepest desires, dreams that held the faint whisper on the wind that surrounded her – Booth.

_What hurts the most, was bein' so close_

_And havin' so much to say_

_And watchin' you walk away,_

_And never knowin' what could have been,_

_And not seein' that lovin' you _

_Is what I was tryin' to do_

Brennan didn't know what to do with herself except work, work the case, become nothing more than just a robot as logical thought filled her mind and she became hollow just to escape the grief. Any talk of the man she had lost – she could not even utter his name anymore – would just be dismissed, she had to escape him, loose him, drop him, bear the pain, ignore the craving, quit the drug because slowly, oh so slowly it was killing her. Despite this she could not help but turn her head as a flashy suit teased her eyes or a deep voice, his voice taunted her. She would always turn, always look but it would never be him, just an echo, just his memory that was fading around her, in the week that passed the grief was lessening in her surroundings, people kept moving, they kept working, the world kept turning, day to night, night to day and yet she barely noticed. She even found herself engaging in conversation, forcing a smile but still looking away if someone looked into her eyes, tried to read her, to figure her. She wouldn't let them, she couldn't let them know that she was broken inside, working everyday on auto pilot and feeling more and more each day that she had nothing and that life was not even worth living.

She closed the blinds as she entered her office, blocking the world out. Approaching her desk she instinctively picked up the photograph which had found that space on her desk to be home without her really noticing; her and Booth in the dessert, he was smiling despite – as she remembered – he had hated the intense heat. Angela had given her the photograph; it had been a random one that she had taken to fill out the film on her disposable camera. A solitary tear slid down her face and she didn't notice as the frame slipped from her fingers and fell to the floor, the glass smashing into several large shards and littering the floor with many more tiny ones, she bent to pick it up, making another mistake and catching her finger on the glass. She looked at it inquisitively, it hadn't hurt, not at all, the blood was staining her skin and she couldn't even feel the flow or the clot that was already forming. She picked up a larger shard and held out her arm. Slowly she pressed the sharpest point to her skin and ran it along up to the elbow, following the blue vein she could see clearly through her pale skin. Once again she felt nothing, it tickled but that was all, in fact it was even pleasant. Holding out her other arm she did the same, trace the blue vein, dig deep and draw blood. She stared at the blood that was running from each arm now and making a steady drip, drip, drip on the floor, she stared and stared and did not move, even when her vision started to blur and her head began to spin. Her heart seemed to rise from her chest to her throat and she could feel it beating slower, working harder, forcing the rich life fluid to cover her arms, paint the floor in droplets of deep red. Was she going to die? She thought as her body swayed, would it be such a bad thing? The heating she knew was cranked up because of the insistent storm that turned outside into a freezing shower but she felt cold, so cold her body began to shiver.

'Dr Brennan, I went over th-' Zack opened the door so his head could peer in as he called into the room, Damn, Temperance thought, she had given him permission to come into the office straight away if any results came in for the case 'Oh My God,' he gasped as he caught sight of Temperance's arms 'What did you do?' He opened the door fully and chucked the file aside, yelling as he ran towards her 'Angela? Jack? Dr Goodman?' She collapsed into his arms as he came up in front of her, Zack's knees buckled under the shock of her weight and in a moment they were both on the floor

'Zack, you should really knock,' she slurred her breathing irregular, Jack was the first to respond to Zack's call, his eyes widened as he saw the anthropologist bleeding and being supported by her student

'Wait there Zack, I'll grab Angela and call an ambulance,'

Zack nodded, his face etched with fear, he was scared that Dr Brennan was going to die right here in his arms, he didn't know what to do, he was just a student, her eyelids fluttered as she looked up at him, she was going to pass out

'Oh God, Tempe!' Angela gasped, being the third occupant to enter the room

'Angela?' Zack was shaking almost as violently as Temperance and she knew she was going to be left as the adult in the situation; Zack had withdrawn, unable to even decide what to do with his mentor let alone carry anything out. Temperance groaned, wanting to just be left in peace, to be able to die the way she had been most of her life – alone.

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you_

_Everywhere I go but I'm doing it,_

_It's hard to force that smile_

_When I see our old friends and I'm alone_

Temperance woke in a hospital bed accompanied by Angela and Zack, she looked down at her arms, there was no red, just white with little dots of black – stitches… she needed stitches? Why? She hadn't cut that deep, it hadn't felt that deep. She looked at Angela who was sleeping at the foot of her bed and then to Zack, who was deep into a random book on anthropology, it looked like he had started his paper at long last, he hadn't even noticed that she was awake, not that it mattered. Because she was alive it also meant she had to face the music for what she had done and she was in no particular hurry to do that, she wasn't even really sure herself why she had done it, suicide hadn't ever appealed to her, it seemed pointless to waste a life, but the opportunity had presented itself and what was one body of a forgotten and un-cared for anthropologist to add to the thousands of bodies of people who meant something, people who had really touched somebody, people who had made a difference – people like Seeley. She didn't make a difference anymore, he was the part of the equation that made everything work and without him nothing added up, the equation was useless – she was useless.

'Dr Brennan,' Zack grabbed her attention when he noticed she was awake and staring at the wall, it was best not to leave her to think, her train of thought over 1 week without agent Booth had driven her to a place that no one had thought she would ever go and no one wanted her to repeat the incident especially not him.

'Zack,' she answered shortly, not looking at him

'Why?' he felt this was turning into a very monosyllabic conversation but he could think of no other way to phrase the question that was currently on all of the "squints'" minds whether they were currently in the room or not, conscious or not. Both mentor and student sat in silence for a long time, Zack not wanting to bug Dr Brennan in fear of getting a less than decent response and Temperance wondering how she could phrase the answer to such a simple yet so complex question

'Because it was set up, there and then, the way each action carried out. It was right.' Temperance's answer carried little expression and could be read into no other way but as an explanation. Yet in an almost unnatural way it made Zack understand, it told him how things were, why they were and how they felt, how they were meant to feel. He had been given more of an insight into Temperance Brennan in that simple explanation than he had in the entire time he had been working with her. The hard gaze his face had held a moment ago softened and with unspoken clarity clearing the air between them he returned to his paper and allowed her to return to her thoughts.

_What hurts the most, was bein' so close_

_And havin' so much to say_

_And watchin' you walk away,_

_And never knowin' what could have been,_

_An not seein' that lovin' you _

_Is what I was tryin' to do_

Temperance had been released from hospital the day before Booth's funeral and after working until 3 am in the lab despite many protests and then returning home to get absolutely no rest she climbed out of bed at 7:00 to search her wardrobe for appropriate clothes to attend the event that had haunted her dreams every night she had managed sleep and echoed in her subconscious in her every waking moment. She was supposed to speak at the funeral but she had nothing to say, she hadn't prepared anything and knew she would not be in any frame of mind to do so in the hours that led up to it. She knew it was just going to be a case of speaking her thoughts or at least trying to cliff note everything she had been thinking for the past week and a half. She dug through her closet frantically; there were so many black clothes in here but none of them seemed right, she was obsessing over every little detail; skirt or pants? Tee-shirt or blouse? jumper or jacket? Nothing was right and in the end nothing mattered, she could go with merely underwear and it wouldn't bring Booth back. She was in half a mind to skip the event all together but the other half of her mind protested fiercely and won. Hours skipped by and before she knew what was happening she was dressed casual in black pants and jumper and heading out into the black SUV that would be taking her, Angela, Jack and Zack to the funeral. She shifted uncomfortably as the car started to move, she was usually in the front seat, Booth would drive, and they would talk, so many conversations, one on one in the SUV, in his SUV. She remembered once she had inquired about what he had done in his days as a sniper and he had given her such a blunt honest answer "If you want me to tell you what I did I'll tell you but you better be ready to hear the truth" she had silenced at this response and she had never asked him. She didn't know whether the truth should have died with Booth, whether she was better off not knowing but right now it was just another thing to regret.

The funeral was larger than she had imagined, she had thought it would have been a close circle kind of affair but it seemed many people wanted to pay tribute to Seeley Booth and the way he had touched the world and made it – for now at least – a better place. There were people from the Jeffersonian, people she could recall from previous cases they had taken together, many people that she did not recognize and close family, most prominently Rebecca and the little boy in the black suit whose hand she tightly held - Parker. Even as the ceremony started her eyes stayed on that one little boy, confusion covered his face as he looked from person to person, unable to understand the sobs, the tears and obviously not knowing that his daddy was gone, that he was dead and wasn't coming back. She tried to hide her tears as he looked over to her and he saw his mouth clearly etch one word "Bones" she was forced to look away from him then, slightly angry slightly saddened by that one word, the word that described her work, the word that described the pair to flesh. The word that was her – his word. It didn't belong to Parker and he had been silly to use it at such a time, Booth was the one that called her that. That was the thing that they shared, the thing that connected them. The word that she thought she would never hear again yet in a way longed for it as a comfort and who best to comfort her than the closest thing there was to Booth, the one thing existing that connected him to this earth, his son. Her mind calmed and she looked back at Parker who was still gazing at her, before she could look away again his eyes locked onto hers and she offered the only thing she had to give – the honest truth. Temperance tried to look away but couldn't as her heart was broken for the second time. A look of realization dawned on Parker's face as he finally found out the harsh reality of the situation. The big brown box before him. She found it cruel that everyone had lied to him and that he had only found out what was truly happening from the eyes of a stranger, from someone he knew only as "Bones" and because of him, because of the lies, the words that masked what you really needed to know, to learn and to move on, because of the lies that covered her parents disappearance she knew as her name was called to step up and to speak that she had to tell it as it was so there would be no doubt in anyone's mind of everything that had happened and, for her friends, the feelings behind them. She slowly walked to stand next to the large picture of Booth - looking serious, standing in front of his SUV- that had been erected on an easel next to the large shiny brown coffin, his eternal place of rest, the box that would decay around his decomposing body as the world changed above him, things kept shifting, the world kept moving and where he would finally lie forgotten as every memory died. She shook her head trying to shake this new sadness, this new emptiness off of her as she took a breath and started to speak:

I, in all honesty am not prepared to stand here and speak to you today. In fact I don't think that if I was here years from now I would feel different. I can promise you though that every word I speak is the absolute truth and as I blunder though, trying to describe to you everything that has happened in the past 2 weeks I will not sugar coat what I say for any innocent ears,' She looked back at Parker who she could tell in his own child like way was grateful for what she had just said even if he didn't really understand it. Taking another breath she continued despite Rebecca's obvious distaste that the truth was finally going to reach her son's ears and that she couldn't just leave her ex-boyfriend's funeral to protect Parker from Temperance's words 'Seeley Booth was a wonderful man, he was funny, clever, brave…he was the only God damned thing I ever had and he was so perfect. I can stand up here and tell everyone that it will be okay, that it will get better for you because you will grow, you will move on, you have everyone else in your lives, you can still feel, but I won't. I have nothing without him, my job, my apartment; they are all empty, empty like I am. I love him so much but hate him at the same time because he left me; he left you, all of us. I have nothing in my life, If I had taken that shot, if I was lying where he is today I could promise you that I would have nowhere near as many people around me, nowhere near as many people who cared, who I had touched, who had lived through me. I am not one for comfort and I doubt this helps in anyway but I don't know how else to feel, how else I can tell you how much he meant to me because there are no words that would even begin to describe…He died in my arms and every moment leading up to it and even after he had gone I held him, even through the pouring rain. I didn't want to let him go, he was my lifeline and now, without him I am just floating aimlessly in a sea of normalcy. The world keeps turning for everyone else but for me it stopped a very long time ago - When I let him go, when he slipped away and I could do nothing to stop it.'

She could visualize his dying moments in her head, she could see him lying before her and feel the rain beating on her shoulders even as the bright sunlight shone on her face '"I Love you" Those were his last words," Her voice was barely above a whisper but she could feel every pair of eyes on her, the crowd before her hanging on her every word 'I was so scared in those few moments you wouldn't believe, if you had heard him, he sounded like a child, trying to reach out, to say everything he felt with only the single breath he knew he had left yet he was so brave, so bold, he took his last moments like the hero he was and what hurts me the most is that years from now people aren't going to remember what he did, that what you think about him, what we all love about him will fade to the backs of our minds and that we won't tell our children about all the good things he did, about how he changed the world, how he touched so many lives and that is always the price of moving on, we say we won't forget but we always do, to move on there has to be a point where we let go and then when we do that he just becomes "that guy that helped a couple of people" I won't forget because I can't move on, he was what I had, I loved him more than I loved anything and even when you finally forget, I will rage on as the flame of his memory because at the end of the day although life is so complicated, it has so many meanings, every second has a thousand reasons, I can turn back to one fact, one thing that will keep me going until the day I die and - if fate tells it – get to be with him again. At the end of the day; he is my Booth and I am his Bones.

_What hurts the most, was bein' so close_

_And havin' so much to say_

_And watchin' you walk away,_

_And never knowin' what could have been,_

_An not seein' that lovin' you _

_Is what I was tryin' to do_

_Not seein' that lovin' you_

_Thats what I was tryin' to do_

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------**

**That was…interesting. I was up til 2:00 in the morning when I had to be up at 7:00 for school but I needed to finish it. The whole thing was just improvisation. Working on nothing but the emotions I felt from the song… that sounds like I'm suicidal…I'm thinking of rephrasing that. Lol. **

**I hope you liked reading both of these song fics as much as I enjoyed writing them.**

**I was wondering whether to continue but I am really unsure. I would appreciate advice on this.**

**Thanx to my main beta Bubbles56 for her advice on a few anti angst fics – she sed if I keep on killing people no1 is gonna wanna read my fics to it will be some fluff coming up for me. I always like a challenge! I will continue with fall away tho wich is certainly angsty. Lol. **

**Thanx to BadGirlFaith who has become a good friend of mine since reviewing Close your eyes. It's strange how much we have in common. I am hoping to approach her with the idea of being a beta for me. **

**Smiles**

**Sesa**

**xxx**


	3. False Smiles

**False Smiles**

**Authors Notes**

**I was gonna do a songfic but I am a bit sick of 'em so I'm just going to keep this one normal**

**I hope I don't repeat myself too much with the grieving and all I just want to follow a process and it's hard to come up with new things continually and still actually hold the seriousness of Booth's death. I am trying to get through what death really means, how you don't see that person ever again and I am trying really hard to make you as the reader feel that you are never going to see him again even if you are just off to watch your taped season 1 of Bones or read another fic… etc. Please just bear with me.**

**I'm sorry this hasn't been updated for a long while and neither has Fall Away I am just very busy recently. You should see my coursework to-do list!**

**You might recognize some of this from chapter 1. This is deliberate, just trying out little bits and pieces, you never know, they might work! XD**

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A black car came skidding around the corner and the familiar sound of gunshots rang in her ear, before she could even move things were breaking around her as the tiny pellets of metal hit them, she span around to see Booth running at her

'No Booth Wait!' she cried, leaping forward she forced Booth to the ground and landed on top of him. The next few seconds passed in a terror filled blur as things were breaking, people were screaming and immense pain filled her chest, she had clearly been winded. Sure that the danger was over Booth rolled Temperance off of him, softly placing her on the ground next to him

'Booth,' she wheezed realizing with a jolt of her heart what the real source of the pain was

'Oh My God! Bones!' as he scrambled from a sprawled position on the sidewalk to his knees he saw the patch of red that stained her brown jacket as it crept through the absorbent material, his brain couldn't register what was happening, time was flying as Brennan was bleeding… what could he do?

Temperance was aware that the hot poker that was playing havoc with her chest – the path the bullet had drilled through her body – had punctured her lung and it could be a case of only minutes before the injury proved fatal

'Booth, your safe, that's good,' Booth who was swinging round to the same conclusion that the anthropologist had already summarized, and created several scenarios for, literally ripped his jacket from his back and pressed it hard onto the wound

'Bones, stay with me, don't go to sleep,' Brennan looked up at his face, it was serious and saddened but not an inch of panic, he knew what he was doing and she felt safe even if the odds were against her

'I'm okay,' she smiled at him, through the pain and the tears that were forming at her eyes 'I'm okay if you are safe,' she was repeating herself but she didn't know what else to say, she was at peace if he was with her, it didn't matter what happened to her it was his safety that was important

He looked into her eyes and felt her pain and everything else that was there including where her love lay, with him

'I-I'm cold,' she whispered, the tone of a scared child etching her voice 'And tired, just let me sleep, just let me sleep,'

'No, Bones, Please, just hang on,' he begged, his voice heightening as he screamed the clichéd 'Someone call 911!'

'I don't know if I can,' she whispered, the tears letting loose and rolling in waves own her cheeks, Booth wanted to tear his eyes away from her but couldn't, not now, not ever

'I can't live without you Bones.' His heart opened, so little time to say so much, most of it not able to express in words. He cried out, loud and desperately and as if this was a signal rain started to pour, started to beat everything with cold droplets of freezing water, almost as cold as their pain.

As if instinctively trying to keep her warm he encircled her in his arms and brought his forehead to meet hers, it was her that pushed one step further and brought their lips together in an oh so soft but passionate kiss, he broke off, this was a move of a desperate woman, trying to put her feelings into the mere moments she had left, he appreciated it but it would be more welcome when she was better, when they could be together

'Please don't die,' he begged as if she was the one who pulled the strings over her own fate, as if she could stop the bleeding, stop the pain, stop the tears, he knew she wished it but once again wishing was not enough, wishing would never be enough.

'I can't do this without you!' he cried, clinging to her because he did not know a world without her, it was as if he had known her even before he had met her, it was as if he had always loved her

'Booth,' she reached forward, trying and failing to put on a brave face hold her strong composure she always had but instead lowering the wall she always had around her and letting him in, inch by inch, closer and closer. Those three words that some run from, some died for lay just on the tip of his tongue but he dare not let them escape or going on without her would be too hard

'You're fading…Booth!' she cried out suddenly, clutching his wrist in a moment of blind panic 'You're not leaving me are you?'

'No, never, I am here with you Bones, Always,' he did not even notice that he had also broken down, started to cry silently, mourn for the ugly truth that lay just ahead of him, the crimson that covered his hands as well as his future. His hand left a smear of red on her cheek as he tried to offer her warmth, take her pain. She did not wipe it away; instead she took the heated moment, her final breath and looked up at him with her soft blue eyes

'I Love You,'

Temperance sat bolt upright with a gasp, instantly aware of the cold sweat that drenched her face and body and matted her hair to her head in rats tails, early morning sunlight filtered through the curtain, dappled by the tree that lay just outside her window, she had slept through the night for the first time in a while, unfortunately waking up yielded the same results, abrupt consciousness, sweat, an inevitable shower and a nightmare to play on her mind all day. Sighing she threw back the covers and swung her feet around to touch the floor, ready to face another day of boring routine, the musty smell of bone, the putrid smell of rotting flesh and if she was lucky a nice stack of paperwork to weigh on her subconscious, she gave other people an identity, let them rest, put their murderers behind bars but how could she continue this way if she was loosing _her_ identity, suffering from endless insomnia and the person who was killing her oh so slowly was already dead?

'You've got mail,' The automated voice on her laptop purred, a couple of hours later, alerting her to the new e-mails in the inbox of her account, she hovered the cursor over the animated envelope but did not click immediately as she usually did, instead she closed her eyes, trying to take a break the routine, run away for a second, escape, her thoughts trailed off onto irrelevant things… actually the voice that announced her new mail was rather irritating, it was so soft but it seemed almost sarcastic, maybe "just in case you're a total idiot and haven't noticed that there are new e-mails in your inbox despite having come on the computer to check them, I just wanna say – you've got mail" might be more appropriate. Her mouth turned up at the corners slightly at this, it was not an observation she had made before, before she had wrapped herself in work to disguise her distaste of reality, now she took anything as release.

'Tempe-' Angela brought Brennan to earth with a sickening thud as she waltzed into her office brandishing a rather scruffy pile of papers

'Woah!' Tempe launched herself at the desk to prevent a less than graceful fall from her chair; on reflection it must have been an amusing sight for onlookers, who only had the visual through the tinted glass of the office,

'How are you feeling?' Angela flashed her pearly whites to the scowling anthropologist whose expression turned from irritation to disbelief

'You nearly made me fall of my chair, then you ask me how I'm feeling?'

'Well done, you heard me, no more hearing aide for Tempe!' Angela replied sarcastically, her eyes straying towards the scruffy paper, not noticing the dramatized rolling of eyes from Brennan, Angela's psychotic cheeriness was deteriorating Tempe's already foul mood, when she had pleaded for a break of her usual dull routine this is far from what she had hoped for, she made a mental note to wish more carefully next time, she wanted Angela gone, and she still hadn't checked her mail

'You've got mail' The woman's smooth voice punctured the silence again, almost irritably this time, at that particular moment Tempe didn't think the irritation was uncalled for

'To answer your question I feel like shit, now please leave or I won't care to use manners next time' once again Tempe's finger was hovered to click the animated envelope when a small cough interrupted

'Do you want to-' Angela offered, the hand holding the papers falling to her side

'No.' The hand creased the papers as it tensed

'How about-'

'No.' fingernails scratched at the paper's surface

'But-'

'No! Piss off!' both hands clenched into determined fists, the right leaving white edges jutting from between her fingers

'Tempe!' Angela cried desperately 'We _need _to talk! Meet me at Dakota Gardens – 1:30… If you don't come I swear I will come and get you and _drag _you down there! Got it? Good!' With that she stormed out of the office leaving Brennan scowling, mouth half open, wanting the last word but not quite knowing what to say.

There were three new e-mails on her account; one was from Zack asking for details on a recent case, one was from a close friend- Gabby who lived in Quebec – telling Tempe that she had acquired a new love interest and insisting they meet up when she next came down. One remained from an address she didn't recognize, she suspected it was just a random ad but decided to check it out anyway for lack of anything particularly exciting to do. It was a forwarded message, a chain e-mail from a guy named David Woodson – probably one of the newer pathologists, a couple had come of board recently, she hadn't cared to find out their names – it read;

"I promised I would be with you forever

No matter what you say

I won't leave you

Until my dying day

And when I do fade

My last words

Shall be

Your

Name

Send this to 5 people you care about in the next 20 minutes or you will have bad luck in your relationships for 7 years."

Tempe stared at the text reading it until her mind was over-ridden with dull aching memories that throbbed through her, each one pulling her deeper and deeper into the longing and desperation behind them until the knife blade hit and twisted, the blood, the love, the pain, Booth's eyes as the bullet snatched away his life, extinguished her guiding light, now she was alone…confused, lost and so alone

'No!' she screamed suddenly sweeping everything off of her desk in a sudden violent urge 'you son of a bitch!' The shelf of skulls was the next to fall 'why did you do this to me? Make me love you?' books came flying like rain from bookcases, glass smashed, desk upturned 'You made me want you…need you! And then left me here all alone!' She threw a picture frame which held a photo of her and Angela at the cabinet to the left of her splintered desk, shattering all of the delicate objects it held 'How could you leave me,' her anger unleashed itself, destroying her work, the only thing she had left in this life, the only thing she had to offer this world - this hell. Every trace of organization was swept from the office in one last angry wave before she collapsed in the middle of it all, a broken woman in her broken world, all because one person was no longer in it.

She didn't want to cry anymore, to scream, to shout… to love, she wanted to be hollow, she wanted emotional pain to be knowledge to her but not possible in her farthest dreams, she wanted love to sprout around her but leave her as the dead patch, the dark in the forest, the falling leaf in an Amazon 'Why did you leave me here all alone? Please come back!' the anger receded and another knot of grief was left in its place, how was she meant to get passed this? Why did grieving take so long? Why did she have to think so much, feel so much? As far as all those questions went she may as well be asking for the meaning of life.

Tempe did not move for hours, she had closed the blinds after Angela had stormed out and now sat silently in her darkened cell amidst all the destruction trying to find release, free herself from those eyes, that guilt, move on but not forget, she could never forget him as long as she lived. So far her mind lay dormant, blank and for lack of a better way to describe it - on vacation, she knew that everything would return in time, she could not hide forever, but peace was a rare achievement in such times and should be taken advantage of. 11:00 passed, 12:00, 1:00, no interruptions until the next hour broke and Angela once again strode into Tempe's office

'Where the hell were y-' she stopped abruptly and looked around the room, her eyes scanned the debris until they came to rest on the tear stained owner of the office who slouched in the center of the room, gazing at her best friend blankly, as if totally stoned

'Angela,' she inclined her head in greeting, as if the past minute and a half had never happened '1:30…sorry,' a pathetic apology but definitely an apology, not like Tempe, more like some pushover had replaced her, Tempe _always_ fought her case.

Angela's eyes softened against the sharp stare of the anthropologist. She dropped the scruffy papers, which had also accompanied her this time, on the remainder of the desk, wandered over and settled herself comfortably next to Tempe

'It's him again?' she laid a rhetorical question as the grounds for the conversation she hoped would ensue, a strange move to any other person but not to those who had gotten close to the strong confidence who stamped the name Temperance Brennan firmly in the mind as a worst nightmare to any murderer who crossed her. Tempe swallowed as she nodded slowly

'Why can he make me feel like this? I have never felt like this before… how can I escape?' Angela felt strangely like a parent consoling a child who had just found out that the family goldfish had snuffed it; unfortunately this was far from the real scenario

'You loved him Tempe, more than you have loved anyone, when you loose someone so close it is not something you just get over, it takes time.'

'I don't have time Angela, I have to give the dead their identities, they need me, they can't just be another statistic, no one deserves to die in anonymity, never, I have to make the bastards that killed them unsafe, its what I do… please, just take the pain away…' the tear tracks that stained her face were now being washed away by the next flood, too many tears, too little time. She would die right now if it made them stop flowing, she couldn't cope with flooding the Jeffersonian or her condo anymore, it was tiring, annoying, and painful, or was that the grief? God Knows.

'When I sleep… In my dreams-' she broke off; fiercely wiping the tears from her eyes

'Tempe, you can't get lost there, you can't just let go of reality just because the alternative is better. Yes life is hard, we live we fight and sometimes… sometimes we die but if we didn't fight for what was good in this world then the world would be nothing and life wouldn't mean a thing, love wouldn't exist,' one day long past, Angela's passion for the subject would have made Tempe smile but this was just another attempt to save her from wandering on the path of the lost, aimlessly working for no result, lost in grief and in maybes and what-could-have-beens

'Every night Angela, every night I save him,' she looked up at her friend tearfully 'And then every morning I have to wake up to a world where he isn't there, I wish I could hate him because love is just so much harder but at the sane time I would have hated not to have loved him. He left me hanging with the guilt of never being able to say those three words back. I need closure and until I get it I live a life of hidden tears and false smiles. I have lost me.'

Angela did not know what to say or how to help, she shared the grief with Tempe now but also suffered guilt because she could not do or say more to help, she wanted so desperately to give her best friend the closure she needed but she could not bring Booth back from the dead. No one could.

Tempe turned off the light before dashing across the room to the warmth of her double duvet, a breeze made the veil of netting across her window billow and the neon green that illuminated the time cast the room in an eerie glow. As blue eyes stared wide eyed at the ceiling, willing sleep to come, Temperance knew that just across town deep brown eyes were doing the same.

I know that was probably a little boring but I have fun stuff lined up, next chapter Tempe is gonna start getting better I promise! Oh, and she will get her closure (just keep you hanging there!)

Once again thanx for reading and reviews are welcomed. I have to apologize again for the delay between last chapter and this one; hopefully I will update the next much sooner. More Parker next chapter! XD


	4. Take My Hand

**Take my Hand**

**Authors Notes**

**-Once again I find myself with another non-song fic despite my initial intentions…oh well**

**-This chappie is going to be very out of character for Rebecca, basically by me knowing a normal motherly reaction **

**- I thought this chappie would be a sweet addition to something that has been very emotional so far, plus I love every opportunity to get a lil bit of Parker in there!**

**-Oh and there isn't much that has been revealed about the Rebecca/Booth/Parker triangle so I just made some stuff up, lol. **

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Temperance had taken a week off after the emotional discussion she had shared with Angela and far from everyone's expectations the time to relax had become days of mental torture which had not benefited her health to any degree. She currently stood in the bathroom, the curtains having been drawn in this room and every other, not a light to be seen through the silent apartment. Her eyes having adjusted long ago to the permanent black-out she looked into the mirror, staring at her reflected doppelganger uncaring at the wreck she had become; tear tracks lined her face, slightly blackened by mascara which she was silly to have put on in the first place, red blotches dominated her face almost as much as the black lines that hung like grocery bags under her puffy eyes. Pausing to wipe away a stray tear she roughly batted one of the taps and intercepted the rush of water with her cupped hands. Taking one more saddened glance at her reflection she threw the cold liquid into her face, trying desperately to wash away the tears, the tracks and all the grief that came with them. The harsh tones of her cell amplified her headache and without bothering to dry her hands she pulled the device from her pocket to check the caller I.D – It was Angela – resisting the urge to throw the damned thing against the wall she flipped the cell open and gathered herself ready for the blatant lie she knew she was about to tell

'Brennan,' she almost sing-songed hoping desperately that her currently suppressed blocked nose would not give her away

'Tempe,' Angela's worried voice was like a bright light to her migraine, not something she wanted to take right now 'Are you okay?'

'Yeah, I'm fine…' She could visualize Angela's eyebrows disappearing into her fringe 'Really, things are…getting better, you were right about this time off thing,' There was a pause in which Temperance waited patiently, hoping that she had sold her perkier attitude convincingly, if anyone could figure her it was Angela

'Well it's always nice to try something new,' Brennan's vision of the artist now smiled with a job well done, she had been fooled – and the award for the best voice-over actress goes to…

'Maybe I can come and see you when I've finished up here then?' Angela asked sweetly. Temperance placed her hand over the speaker and swore under her breath, Angela was testing her. Not wanting to pause for too long in case her friend resorted to the psychology trip Brennan blurted out the first fob-off that came to her head

'I was going to go and see Parker this afternoon, he was supposed to be with Booth this weekend,' She tried to lessen her chipper attitude and let some of the grief drip in as this sentence left her mouth, the mention of Booth's name fell onto her like and anvil from a cliff but she bottled her emotions and once more played a false smile. Angela backed down, admitting defeat

'Okay then, I might pop over anyway just in case you have gotten back by the time I manage to escape, see ya sweetie,'

Brennan gave no reply, just left Angela with the cold sound of a dial tone – A response that many of her correspondents from the lab had quickly gotten used to. Sighing at the thought that she might actually have to go out to avoid her peppy friend she exited the bathroom and on entrance into the living room pulled back the nearest curtain; the sky was as blue as the color named after it, clouds hung in the sky like cotton candy and the blindingly bright sun made her flinch, she could almost picture the large cartoon flowers, rabbits and large child drawn rainbow to make the day beautiful day she was missing just perfect.

Begrudgingly Temperance made herself look presentable to go out starting with a shower, She was tempted to stay in the little cubicle forever, maybe if she was lucky she may be able to drown herself or the cold would just kill her eventually but after the water had turned icy cold she decided there were probably quicker ways to kick the bucket and commenced to dress herself in Green combats, plain black Tee-shirt and scrape her hair into a ponytail, she knew she was going to regret the dark colors and not wearing shorts later but she could not cope with being as multi-colored as the outside or flashing her anything but tanned legs to the American population.

Her aimless driving brought her to the local mall and she found herself wandering through crowds of people, vaguely observing displays in windows. As she passed a Starbucks and considered popping in for a shot of caffeine and possibly a baguette something small and blonde impacted with her legs with a muffled

'Bones!' large dark eyes stared up at her and she had to shake herself mentally to assure herself it was not Booth, just he next closest thing to him – Parker

'Parker? Where did you come from, where is your mom?' she bent to his level flashing him a smile despite her extreme distaste about having to be here and her worry for his safety, she need not have worried about the latter though as a harsh call answered her question

'Parker!' Rebecca pushed through the mass of people who created a wall between her and her son and stopped as she noticed the anthropologist crouched at parker's side, Tempe stood abruptly not quite sure how to convince Rebecca that she wasn't a random kidnapper and that her son had found her of his own accord, after a short pause she settled for;

'Hi, I'm Tempe Brennan; I spoke at Booth's funeral…?' Rebecca's eyes narrowed, trying to recall a memory and after another pause she smiled

'Yes, I remember, Parker often talks about you, he calls you Bones right? Obviously a phrase he gained off of his late father,' Her manner was surprisingly friendly considering the rather horrible look Brennan had received at Booth's funeral for gracing Parker with the truth – "Forgive and Forget" was obviously her motto

'That's right, I haven't met Parker many times but from what I've seen he is a good kid,'

'Yeah, he is a good kid, very much like Booth, when I got pregnant with him I wouldn't marry Booth because I didn't think of him that way, I don't feel that pregnancy is a reason to rush into marriage, nevertheless we have always gotten on like a family,' Brennan nodded briefly wondering why she had slept with him if she didn't feel that way about him, Rebecca zoned out for a minute clearly remembering the glory days she had spent with Booth, Tempe tried to distract herself to override the jealousy that had crept into her subconscious 'We have both moved our separate ways now though, I have a boyfriend – Kyle and last I heard Booth had quite a infatuation with you…' if not in present company she would have flinched, a painful memory hit her – Booth's last words – "I Love You" what they had had was more than an infatuation it was – as pathetic as it was to use such a clichéd phrase – True Love.

'I'm down here! I know you are talking about me!' cried Parker up to the two women that towered above him and who were talking in less than hushed voices about him. Smiling, Temperance and Rebecca crouched in unison to the little boy's level

'You like Bones don't you mommy? Just like I said you would!' Tempe wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry at the boy's antics, every smile, every look echoed Booth but Parker was the little miracle that kept a good man's spirit alive, she settled for a mild look with mouth upturned slightly at corners

'Yes, she is very nice,' Rebecca laughed at her son's excitement. As Parker flashed another look in Tempe's direction she felt a lump rise in her throat again, she could not cry now, not here, not in front of Booth's little boy

'I-I've got to get going, things to do and…stuff,' she smiled weakly hoping that mother and son – especially the latter took her escape tactic as a proper excuse

'Can I come Bones?' the little voice piped up as Tempe straightened her legs and towered above the boy once more, another heart melting look, how could she say no? It was hard enough to see disappointment on Booth's face let alone Parker's!

'I, umm…' she didn't think it was appropriate but the look was gnawing at her, begging her to say yes, those eyes, she had seen them, she had lost them… 'It's not really up to me Parker.'

Rebecca had obviously also seen the disappointment coming

'Well I only took Parker out because I couldn't find someone to look after him; I think he is actually getting a bit bored…if it's okay with you…'

The look, the look, the look

'Yeah, that's fine,' another smile that did not quite reach her eyes but was clearly not registered as false with Rebecca or Parker

'Yay!' a squeal followed by the gentlest touch as Parker slipped his hand into Brennan's; she could swear he was Booth's clone…

First stop when Tempe and Parker had broken away from Rebecca was Starbucks, to Tempe's astonishment Parker managed to down a large chocolate shake followed by a small tuna and cucumber baguette, she ate her chicken salad baguette much slower, wondering how one little boy could eat so much without exploding. Next the pair ambled around shops trying on hats, shades and any other accessory they cared to check out

'Can we get photos like those people do in the movies?' Parker rushed over to a photo booth – one that takes a row of thumbnail pictures, Tempe nodded and both disappeared into the booth after Brennan had stuck a couple of dollars into the machine, they came out laughing and smiled as they saw their photos; in one Parker had pulled a funny face while Tempe watched him, amusement in her eyes this time as well as in her smile, in another both were laughing as Tempe tickled Parker feverishly and on the last they both pulled a face and looked at each other, cheeks glowing red from the heat in the small space.

Half and Hour and an ice cream later Parker was quizzing Brennan about her life, Tempe did not tell him too much but did not lie either

'Do you get lonely sometimes in your house with no one around?' a sticky face looked up at her expectantly but did not receive a look back, Tempe wasn't sure if lonely was the right word, sometimes she loved the quiet and having the condo to herself, she certainly did not want a room-mate but it would be nice to have a presence, something that fitted around her and could still socialize, something independent yet loved some kind of companionship

'Sometimes, I suppose but I have been alone for quite a long time, my parents went missing when I was quite young and then my brother Russ left and I went into care, I never socialized much until I met my best friend Angela and since then I have only made a few other friends… including your father'

'daddy used to talk about you lots, he said you and him were special friends, he told me lots of nice things about you like how you were pretty and your hair smelled nice… I agree,'

'You've been smelling my hair?' she laughed trying to hide her shock from what the little boy had just told her

'I smelleded it when you lifted me up to look in the mirror,' he smiled cheekily

'I thought you just had a runny nose!'

'nope,' Parker looked up at her proudly like he had just achieved something amazing 'daddy said that you didn't seem to take notice of things though, like he used to always look at you from across the room and he used to hold onto a hug just a little bit longer. He also said that you never listened to him when he tried to stop you from doing things,'

Each sentence was pulling at her heart; he had said all those things about her?

' He told you a lot didn't he?'

'yep! He said we were best buddies! He told me lots about lots of things, mostly you… he would always call you bones though so I don't really know your proper name…' Parker's face scrunched up in thought, like he was trying to remember if Booth _had _mentioned it at some point, she watched him for a second before telling him

'My name is Temperance'

'Wow! That's a big name!'

'It sure is! That's why people call me Tempe,' she had to admit she was getting lost in the little boy's excitement, she hadn't felt this happy since she had last spent time with Booth – that had been on their last case when they had had to investigate up north and dropped into a beautiful Quebecois restaurant

'Or Bones,' Parker piped up

'Or Bones,' she clarified

'Have you ever thought about getting a cat?' Parker asked suddenly, it seemed random but he had probably been mulling over since earlier in the conversation

'No I hadn't actually,' she thought a second, pros and cons rolled over each other in her mind 'but how about we go and get one? What the hell! She thought, she was having one of the best days of her life with a wonderful little boy who was becoming her favorite person in the world, in just one afternoon she could have comfortably thought of him as her son, why not grab the moment and make it perfect?

'I know a breeder who lives not far from here, as I understand it he had a liter born a few weeks ago,' Tempe and Parker were in the car, soon to turn into an old friends home, as the wheels crunched on gravel a man in his early forty's wearing a green sweater, jeans and sneakers shuffled up to the car and gave Tempe a large hug as soon as she had freed herself from the drivers seat

'Hey Jack,' Tempe greeted, breaking free of the hug and shaking his hand 'I heard you had a new litter in and decided to come by,' Parker came up next to her and smiled at the man 'this is Parker, he is my late colleagues son,'

'Oh Seeley Booth's son…yes, yes, you can see it in the eyes,'

'You know Booth?' Tempe was shocked but tried to hide as much of it as she could

'Yes, yes, he was the agent who was working on my wife's murder, I swear if he hadn't been on the case the killer would never have been brought to justice, I went to his funeral, I'm surprised you didn't see me,' the man looked saddened for a minute but pushed on quickly 'come, come I will show you the kittens that are up for sale,' he shuffled back into the house followed closely by Tempe and Parker who was once again gripping Tempe's hand

'This one is Peaches, that one is Harry, that one Birdie and that one Grace,' four small kittens, ambled around each other, play-fighting and catching invisible mice, they were all adorable but there was one who immediately caught her eye

'Will I be able to take one home today?'

'Usually no but for you and Seeley's son I can make an exception, there are a couple of bits of paperwork that need signing but I will fax them onto you, you can also borrow one of my cat carriers to take the one you pick home in. They are all happy and healthy with all injections needed up to this point accounted for,'

'Which one are you going to have Bones? They are all so nice and fluffy!' Tempe still had her eye on a particular one but decided to give over to the little boy's excitement

'You pick,' she said, he looked up at her as if he thought she was joking, when he say she was not his express in turned from disbelieving to thoughtful

'That one!' he said after a minute, pointing to the one called Birdie, the exact one Tempe had had her eye on, the man smiled, picked up the ball of white fur and placed him in Tempe's arms, Tempe smiled and crouched so Parker could stroke the kitten, Birdie nuzzled into his new owner before gazing up at her with his big green eyes

'Now you don't have to be lonely anymore,' Parker whispered looking from the kitten to Brennan.

The exhausted pair retired back to Tempe's apartment where it had been arranged Rebecca would pick Parker up, they were both sat on the sofa, with Parker and Birdie cuddling up to Tempe

'Were you and daddy special friends before he went to heaven?' Parker's excitable mood seemed to have come down a few of notches; Tempe could feel herself tearing up again but was determined not to cry

'You could say that, I haven't been too well recently…since he went to heaven'

'How come?' Tempe knew that was coming and thought about how to phrase the question for a minute before actually saying it

'Because just before he went to heaven he said something to me…and now I'll never get to say it back,' there was a long pause before Parker asked

'What did he say?'

'He said he loved me'

Thanx for reading, I know that chapter was a little slow in parts and some part were probably inaccurate but I quite enjoyed writing it, a nice out from the grieving for Tempe.

Btw, for those of you that haven't read the Kathy Reichs books Birdie is Tempe's cat in them, I thought it would be a nice touch, I hope it was.


	5. Reality Check

**Reality Check**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The song 'Nice n' Easy – it is actually wonderfully sung by Frank Sinatra, a great singer indeed – this probably makes me sound like an old fogie but you never get people that sing like him anymore :( **

**Author's Notes**

**This will be my favorite chapter to write! The idea came from a fanfiction called 20 months by Machine, I loved the dance that Buffy and Spike had to Nice 'n' Easy so I am using the same song but for a slightly different purpose (plus I love Frank Sinatra and that song particularly) **

**-I wrote another chapter that was going to go in the place of this one as a sad ending, I have to say thanx to Machine for the idea or I would not be writing this, and I really prefer it this way**

**This might not be the end, if it isn't there will be just 1 more chapter to wrap it up XD**

Tempe was curled in an armchair, comfortable and as content as Birdie who purred softly from his position on her lap, things had been going well considering the mess her life had been not so long ago, Rebecca had called earlier to say how much fun Parker had had when he had been out with her and ask if Tempe could look after him again on Saturday because she had a double shift at work, Tempe of course had promptly accepted. It was strange how one little boy could make her feel so happy with herself again, maybe it was just a family trait. Parker had also not been wrong about getting a cat, Birdie had provided her with companionship for the past week and there was the added feeling of responsibility to something that wasn't dead which was always a bonus. She smiled as she set her book on the arm of the chair and tickled behind Birdie's soft ear, the cat's large green eyes closed in bliss, both pet and owner were warm and sleepy, Tempe had slight hunger gnawing at her but was much too comfortable to move, her limbs molded into the chair cushions, all relaxed apart from the hand which was now enjoying the soft sensation of fur against skin, her eyes drooped, just resting, she would have to get up in a minute, just a minute, just a rest…

Gentle music drew her towards an empty ballroom, large walls surrounded the wooden floor meeting at a decorative ceiling from which hung a sparkling glass chandelier, just ahead of her Frank Sinatra stood on the stage swaying to the notes of the band behind him, Tempe looked down to find herself dressed in an indigo ball gown patterned with explosions of glitter, the setting was breathtakingly beautiful, too much of a contrast from her usual nightly torture to not have a purpose, she span around in awe, trying to take in all her surroundings until

'You like the setting then?' she tripped and fell into the arms of…Booth

"_Let's take it nice 'n' easy  
It's gonna be so easy for us to fall in love  
Hey, baby, what's your hurry?  
Relax 'n' don't you worry, we're gonna fall in love" _

She did not know what to say, she stared into the eyes of the man she loved – this was cruel, her mind luring her into false pretences and then hitting her in the heart with a look into the eyes she had lost, she remembered the conversation she had had with Angela; "Every night Angela, every night I save him, and then every morning I have to wake up to a world where he isn't there" she broke away and ran, tried to get away, escape from her mind, escape from Booth, she couldn't loose him again

'Bones, wait,' His smile fell as he ran after her, she stumbled and fell with a thud on the floor, there she lay not moving, just crying, not looking at him, trying to forget those eyes, that look

'What's wrong?' he came to her level and placed his arm softly on her shoulder, his touch was so real, she shied away

'This isn't fair, I can't loose you again, not again,' she sobbed, the music went on softly behind her but Frank did not sing

'Bones,' he hooked his finger below her chin and guided her face towards his, her eyes still did not look at him though 'You never lost me, I was always there and I always will be there,' her eyes locked back onto his, his face was serious, every detail exactly as she remembered

'Am I…Is this _just_ a dream?' she whimpered, wanting so desperately to throw her arms around him, to hug him, to kiss him, feel his body against hers.

'Not quite, I am here…sort of, to give you the closure you need, to spend the night with you,' he held out his hand, she paused still not knowing what she wanted, his eyes were so inviting she just had to reach forward… she took his hand and he helped her up, into his arms

'There Bones, don't cry,' he brought his hand to her face and with his finger brushed away her tears, the touch sent electricity through her body and she could not longer resist, she threw her arms around him and took his break away with a passionate kiss which took both beyond the dream and in into each other, truly and deeply

'I missed you so much!' she choked once they had broken apart

"_We're on the road to romance, that's safe to say  
but let's make all the stops along the way"_

'Would you like to dance Temperance?' his look and his body replied for him "I missed you too" as Frankie began to sing once more, she nodded, echoing his smile as they took position. She rested her head on his shoulder as they slow danced about the floor

"_The problem now, of course is _

_to simply hold your horses  
to rush would be a crime _

_'cause nice 'n' easy does it every time"_

'What I said before…I meant it, I love you Temperance, more than I love anyone else in your world or mine,' she raised her head to look at him again

'I love you too Seeley,' the words she had held back that night rushed out with fiery enthusiasm

"_We're on the road to romance, _

_That's safe to say  
but let's make all the stops along the way"_

The total calm that ensued that statement was bliss, they were lost in each other's eyes for what seemed like forever, nothing existed outside that moment.

" _The problem now, of course is _

_To simply hold your horses  
to rush would be a crime"_

That is what love does though; it makes you as crazy as a rabid dog, craving flesh, a touch, a kiss…so much more

"_'cause nice 'n' easy does it  
Nice 'n' easy does it  
Nice 'n' easy does it every time"_

'I wished we had realized before, I wish we had been able to do all the things that lovers do, have that passion, that time…but all we have is tonight,' Tempe was addicted now, she did not want to go, life didn't matter to her, dying was a reasonable price to pay to be with him, Booth seemed to have sensed her thoughts or maybe he was just able to read them because he looked sharply at her

'You can't leave your life to be with me, we will be together I promise but you have to keep fighting for those innocent people, the children who have been taken out of this world before they have had the chance to have what we have had, for the men and women who like you have lost someone close. Most don't get what you have had tonight.' She made no movement for a while, thoughts rushed through her mind like they were travelling down the interstate, she didn't want to wake up but he was right she had to do this, had to live her life without him…

"_Like the man says one more time"_

She nodded

'The song has almost ended,' he looked at Frank who nodded, just a couple of seconds longer, that was all he needed 'don't forget me Temperance'

'No don't leave me!' she gasped, pulling him back as he tried to step away

'I won't, I know memories fade but you have to move on, I saw you with Parker the other day, one day you will make a great mom,'

"_Nice 'n' easy does it_

_Nice 'n' easy does it  
Nice 'n' easy does it every time"_

He once more went to step away but returned to give her one last kiss

'Goodbye,' she whispered a tear for him staining her cheek for the last time

'Goodbye,'

---------------------------------------------

Hopefully that was short and sweet, I might do another chapter but I don't think so. There were a lot of things I didn't intend to happen in there but that is what I love about writing without a plan you write because _you _want to know what happens next, not just your readers.

I really enjoyed writing this, I hope you enjoyed reading it

I want to thank my beta Bubbles56 – she is amazing, spurred me to write a happy ending to what started out as a sad fic.

Last Minute Dedication: I would like to dedicate this fic to My friends Leanne and Jo who have been with me through a lot of bad stuff which has happened recently, thanx for giving me nothing but smiles and support xxx

I would also like to dedicate this fic to my head of year Darren Gale (wow that's weird typing his whole name! lol) who has also helped me through some difficult stuff. I will be sad to see him go to Dubai at the end of the school year he is a great teacher (although I never much liked languages myself) and a great person. The best of luck to him.


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